Entry 11: Starting a new journey(Isaiah 46:11)

Uhuru still felt at peace the next day. Even the constant negative voice that taunted her mind disappeared. She found small evidence of joy entering her life again. Firstly she found herself smiling when she looked in the bathroom mirror. Next, she heard herself hymning to a sweet melody when she was getting dressed for work. Then she found herself dancing when she was preparing breakfast. At first it all seemed abnormal, but she enjoyed every minute of it.

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As she was about to eat breakfast, her phone rang and she picked up.

“Hello” Uhuru said.

“Hi Uhuru, guess who?” someone said at the end of the line.

Uhuru immediately recognised the voice.

“Paavai?”

“Good guess Sister,” Paavai said as she laughed.

“This is a great suprise, how are you?” said Uhuru in excitement.  

I am fine, we all miss you and wanted to find out how you were coping?" Paavai said in a sympathetic tone. 

“I am doing better than fine” Uhuru responded.

“Great to hear that because we were worried about you and wanted to find out when you'll be coming to visit us in India?” Paavai said candidly. 

It is a poor idea to lie to oneself

Lying to oneself is like sitting in a badly lit and empty room. Looking up, you realise there is a big white elephant in the middle of the room staring at you. Occasionally, you pretend the elephant is not there so that it won’t bother you. Rarely, you walk around the room, hoping that if you ignore the elephant long enough, it will disappear.

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The badly lit room represents confusion. The emptiness of the room represents an opportunity to make a choice about the white elephant. The elephant represents the lie or denial you tell yourself and the reality is, whether you walk around the room, ignore or pretend not to see the elephant, it is there.

As soon as you acknowledge the elephant in the room, you can start to work towards either embracing or remove it. This is the same principle that can be used in life. Lying to oneself  leaves no room for growth or improvement and it limits the good you are meant to receive in life. However when you acknowledge your feelings and thoughts about any issue, you start the process of finding a solution and moving towards bettering yourself. 

The sound of one hand clapping

Timid Miya moved towards the stage. The light shined brightly on her face and she could hardly see. Miya was sweating and hoped no one would notice.  She was also nervous and frightened but refused to show it.  
As she walked towards the middle of the stage, her legs became as heavy as concrete. Every motion seemed to go slower but Miya knew she had to conquer this moment that faced her.

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She finally reached the middle of the stage and stood still. Miya smiled. Breathed deeply, opened her mouth to sing and nothing came out. She smiled again and realised she had lost her voice.

“Go Miya!” she heard someone shout.

“Yeah Miya, you can do it!” she heard the next person say.

She then heard the sound of one hand clapping and the rest of the audience followed. She smiled again, opened her mouth and a voice of an angel filled the music hall. It all became still and there was silence.

That night, Miya sang to the world and the world listened. 

Entry 10- Joy in the morning(Psalm 30:5)

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Uhuru still sat on the floor. Her face was wet from the tears that streamed from her eyes. She had cried enough and in her tears cast away her anger, fear and lack of faith. Peace fell upon her and there was silence. She couldn’t hear the cars or even the kids that often play outside her home.

She could only hear the sound of her breathing and heart beat. Then all sound evaporated. She was sitting on her bedroom floor, in complete serenity. In Gods presence.

She did not need to try anymore. She was strong because she was drawing strength from Gods strength. She sat for hours on the floor, enjoying the stillness. She was present and in the moment. A moment where healing was taking place.   

Not all who wander are lost

Not all who wander are lost.They move at all cost.

Trying to find themselves. Being useful, like Santa’s little elves.

Some wander in the midst of craziness.Without a compass.

With all boldness. Expressing themselves in tenderness.

Some run. Progressing towards the sun.

It shines brighter. Makes the yoke lighter.

Step by step towards their purpose. Swimming till they get to the surface.

Discovering, searching, aching. 

When they don’t achieve. They continue to believe.

And they wander further. Press harder.

Work smarter. Learn faster.

Which opens up the door for more possibilities. And removes all boundaries.

Not all who wonder are lost. They move at all cost.

And finally reach their goal. To discover their soul.

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Entry 9- Soft whisper(1 Kings 19: 11-12)

Maran always knew how to speak to Uhuru. He was gentle and kind in spirit. The decision to marry him was just a natural transition for her. It made perfect sense and she never doubted him-ever.

He had promised her that he would never leave and she never doubted that for a second, but now, she stood in the middle of her bedroom and Maran was nowhere to be seen.

Anger arose in her heart again.  She could feel the uncontrollable urge to scream  and she did. A scream so loud and filled with so much anguish, that she was convinced that the whole world heard her.

                  

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Her knees became weak and she fell to the floor. She wept uncontrollably.

She cried so hard, as if she never cried before.

She cried to cleanse herself from all she had experienced in the last year.She cried to purify her mind from the horrid memories without Maran.

She cried because of the constant heartache.

She cried to strip away her past.

She cried to be a new person.

She cried to loose all power and control to something much Larger than herself.

She cried to let go.